Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
