he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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