I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
