we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
