I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
