Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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