Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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