its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
