Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
