FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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