Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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