Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she told me i tasted like america
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
