fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
