Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
