Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
