I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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