the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
