OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
