I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
