Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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