This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
