I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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