Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
