pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
