"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
