he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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