So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's like God shit irony all over that family
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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