Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
