all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
