Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
