You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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