thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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