you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My feet surprised me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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