Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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