I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
