at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
