____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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