I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
