don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
