If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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