Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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