my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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