I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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