i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize