Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
