i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
