I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
