but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
