So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Alive.
So much puke
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
