Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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