He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize