my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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