First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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