Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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