You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
