Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
