JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
