i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
