He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
