I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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