Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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