Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
