being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
