Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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