Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
