I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
