Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
40s are totally the cure
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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