Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
