It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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