I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
