I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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